look what you've made me do

30 seconds down and gone

sitting in hell at 100 degrees, shifting, sweating. parked at the entrance to the gate of flames with some water and a snack. a fied trip excavation, going down.

stuck there where you least expected, a traditional sort of demise. trap, stab, and fall. a lobster in a pot waiting to boil. time sat there wondering whether to jump forwards or backwards, and you, oh you, couldn't find your hands to crawl.

clocks, locks, and clicks ==== unplug, please

I don't want to stand there,
stuck on one foot, wavering
looking behind and alone
wind swept catastrophe
you were there to push
over and under, away
somewhere in this falling,
i'll wake up and feel
the days can't end
with my hands still in the air

marching towards the gray walls
hues drain away with the leaves
little patterings of wasted dreams
asleep, awake, we cannot see
what the future has forgotten
the past can still breathe
the days drag on painfully long
keeping step with the clock
go backwards to hold on
with the things we've neglected,
we no longer belong

10.27.06 : stitching it up

Still not processing clearly, well over done, time to turn off and run. It's so hard to leave when you don't know where you're going or where you want to go. Sometimes I just want to stop. Right here. And, start over. There are too many things I've missed and so many others I ruined that I need to fix. Dig the hole deeper, throwing in the bodies - I'm running out of room and shovels. Explosions of temper got me tip toeing home in chains. Gag me, bind me, don't look at the mess behind me.

Whatever was done, there are too many words in my head. If things were really meant to be this way, I'd understand. The dictionary on fire is burning out the roots of my hair. Commas on parade, and I'm on my knees. Sitting in the letters littered around my legs, I try to read. I yield. These are not for keeping or arranging as I hurriedly stuff them into my pockets to save them from the breeze.

Birds in the windows again, smash and release.

An emo song
We haven't got the time
I'm slipping away from here
There are things of mine
That shouldn't be seen

I'm leaving your memory now
Before I lose myself in you
You've already ruined me
and love's arms held no truth

The scarred little alone girl
Will always hate you in her heart
For the things you took away
And the heart you ripped apart

Sunlight on red, and morning seeps in. Light enough to see, dark enough to sleep. I think I'll lay here. The sound of breathing next to me, and a warmth not my own. There are times of the day I am slightly at ease. Here in the arms of restful peace.